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June 8, 2011 / aasdel

One is good, but moore is better.

I can’t believe it’s been more than a week since my last post! Things are starting to move fast. It’s probably because of the pressure I feel of finding a job and of settling in a weekly routine. It keeps me from seeing the days fly away.

Who never aspired of starting over? The intoxicating feeling of freedom! It is so exiting and thrilling in the beginning, when you see all the possibilities and the potential of what your life could be. Your dreams are big. Your life is going to be such accomplishment. However, when it’s time to act on it, well, that’s a different story.  And it is definitely not the part where I shine. I must say, I’m a lot better at procrastination; Facebook, WordPress, cooking, even cleaning… But in my defense, a lot of things needed to be done  since I arrived. It wasn’t all delaying activities.

This past week however, even writing my blog could not deliver me from the growing worries I felt inside of me:  the idea that doing nothing is better than to be a failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of not being successful… Every time I started working on my documents, those dark shadows crawled along the back of my shoulders, messing my mind, slowing my work,  eating my guts and filling me with anxiety. What an horror movie that would be. I almost had the chills writing it down: that’s how much it makes me feel uncomfortable. But in every story there is a white knight. And in this one, it would have to be  family, friends and love ones. The support you can find within one is a liberating relief. Someone who is able to rationalize, make you see that the path isn’t so blurry after all. I have the chance to have that. Someone gently pushing you, believing in you, helping you through it all — Did I say believing in you? . So this is how I was able to achieve part 1 of my  beautiful master plan. And maybe in the near future  I might be able to confirm that phase 2 is done too.

Everyone says : “Follow your dreams no matter what!”. Well, what we should say first is ” You are your own god-damned worst enemy” (Something I am still fighting against).

Just remember : One is good, but two is better! Or three, or four, or five …

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